"How To" Shop as an Expat...

The other day Haruhi and I did a lunchtime presentation on “You as Brand” for a well known bank’s women’s group (Tokyo Women’s Network.) It went down really well! The room was filled to capacity. Over hundred ladies (and one gentleman ) attended!

After the presentation we mingled with many of the ladies. One of the ladies was being questioned by her colleagues as to why she always wore black. I slid into the discussion just in time to save her embarrassment and lend my support. Her answer was “black is easy!” and “it’s so hard to shop in Tokyo !”

“That got me thinking…” as Carrie Bradshaw would say. It is difficult to understand shopping here - if you don’t have the time to have your nose in the shops everyday like Haruhi, Alex and I do. But it’s even more difficult to understand how to dress well, when shopping for your size (over a UK size 10/US size 6) is problematic and time consuming.

I’ve come up with some ideas to help those expats in Tokyo finding shopping difficult…

Understand your body shape and colouring

Knowing what suits your shape and colouring will save you a lot of time and money. So take time out to really look at yourself in the mirror and work out what you’re more likely to suit. Mull over all those nice and nasty things people have said about how you dress. Maybe your other half adores you in that orange-red dress or that fitted jacket. These are great indicators to what suits you.

Do your research!

Get nosey! Get interested! Start to use your leisure-time to seek out (locally and on the internet) where you can go shopping. Don’t give up if the sizes don’t fit you! If you like the shop, there will be something in there that will enable you to refresh your look. Maybe it’s a pair of earrings and a scarf. By teaming them with other items in your wardrobe you will create a new outfit.

Keep friendship out of the changing room!

The other night I did a Style Party with a group of friends who came from around the world. It went very well and the ladies were very enthusiastic about getting out there to shop for themselves, for once. I left with a warm and fuzzy feeling thinking that I had done them some good - empowering them to go shopping and encouraging them to shop together.

While reading through my last blog – on shopping as an expat – I started to think about how we women tend to get our advice about clothing. And of course, it’s through our friends' and family's personal recommendations .These include things they have tried, things that appeal to their sense of taste and suit them.

Personal recommendations work because they help us to make sense of all the advertising and marketing messages that we are bombarded with everyday and make it quick and easy to aquire what we want and need - and get on with life. Very, very helpful indeed…until you come to the minefield of shopping with your bezzie mate!

For all those thinking of asking their very stylish friend for a little help while shopping for a new outfit or in clearing out there wardrobe – think again! You may run into some problems…

Problem 1. You are you and not her!

There is always someone in a group of women-friends that always looks good (even in a dustbin bag!) and if she has a strong personality she may influence your group to dress like she does. Yes, rather like being back in high school!! Yeah, you love and respect your friend, but does that mean that every bit of your personality – even your taste - needs to be smothered by what she thinks and feels?!

Problem 2. Little white lies… that cost, not just the price of the dress!

Our friends tell us the truth. Or so we like to think! Shopping with our friends and expressing our opinion are strange bedfellows - rather like oil and water! As friends, us girls want to maintain friendships because they are so precious to us (particularly when in a very difficult environment like expat-life) and so think that holding back on saying what we really think is the best policy. However, this doesn’t do our friends any good. For example, if we say “that top suits you” - they may end up buying it, based on your approval. In celebrating this loyalty and kindredship they wear the said article every time they see you! It can be like you're being haunted with that little white lie you told. In addition, it can make her look like a complete fool! Not the sort of thing a real friend does! (And not what you would want from them!)

Being unable to tell the truth to our friends can go a lot deeper than merly biting us on the bum …For example your freind's loving husband declares “what were you thinking when you bought that very expensive and useless dress!” A domestic ensues in which she tells him how and why she bought this dress. You are named (Prime Suspect #1!) Once things have simmered down, he declares his love and looking into the mirror together at the offending article - he tells her that unfortunately, her freind - you - have lied to her! Once a friend knows she has been lied to, she may harbour that resentment and become suspicious of everything you do and say. Even an ouce of bad feeling will change the relationship and may lead to the friendship breaking down, in one way or another... Bye-bye friend!

Problem 3. Oh it hurts… to hear our friends say it!

Not everyone is gifted with a sense of tact. Some friends are gifted with making you feel like crap when you ask them for their real opinion! They believe giving it to you straight is the best policy and helps everyone involved. It’s not that they don’t care – they do. They just don’t want you to make that mistake …or be blamed for it later! They are right to think like that – but boy, why can’t they say it, in a less cutting and more positive way?!

Problem 4. Insecurities and views

We are all open to projecting our thoughts, feelings and anxieties on to others and it’s generally those that we love the most and are closest to, that get it in the neck!

Although we don’t mean to do it, we do this when we are shopping with friends. Our petty insecurities and views come out, and cut like a knife or sway our friend’s opinion. For example “Oh my God you can’t wear that!” Or “I really hate leopard print!” Can prevent our friends from trying new things or make them feel like they need to follow your lead, instead of exercising their taste.

Problem 5. Get a professional

Not every friend you make is equipped to be your personal stylist. Not every friend can understand where you are coming from when it comes to your sense of taste and update your taste for your current lifestyle. Not every friend understands what you need out of clothing and what you want to say to others through your image. This is precisely why image consulting and personal shopping exists and works!

We at Top Notch take the (peer) pressure off you and allow you to be free to say “no I hate that idea!” or “yeah, I’ve never thought of going in there – lets try it!” We put ourselves in your shoes and ask about your needs, wants and desires for your image, without dictating to you. We are here for you and only you and let you know when that style of dress isn’t right for you.

So next time a group of your mates decide to go shopping together – be warned - you may buy something nice, but, end up loosing a friend!

Written 2008/11/6

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